The Lion and the Unicorn Part 3
by Atlanta Jade
Summary: A continuation of the parody


Part 3 

Skinner didn't know what to say. He was shocked, it was the last thing that he had expected although he had heard from his receptionist about fresh new rumours concerning Mulder and Scully's personal relationship. "Pregnant?" he asked to confirm that he had heard right the first time. "That's what I said." Mulder replied. "I'm going to need to talk to her about this." Skinner said and hung up the phone. Mulder looked at the phone in confusion, "Oh my God, it's Skinner" he thought. 

Frohicke left once Scully was fast asleep and after he had searched her apartment for bugs (the electronic kind.) He attempted to leave a coherent note, but after the day's events he was unable to find the truth so he therefor opted for simplicity. 

'Dana, ' he wrote, 'Some things are difficult to discuss, but remember that I'm here for you and we're in this together.' 

Scully slept fitfully Her mind played back the day's events. She saw Mulder's lack of concern for her, his tactless sarcasm and then his blatant accusation about her pregnancy and deception. She opened her eyes to see a shadow running across the room and heard a distant sound of jungle drums. She grabbed her gun from the side table and decided to investigate. Things that go bump in the night are not often what they seem. An intruder is rarely an intruder, it is usually a Mulder and a moving shadow is not usually a dancing baby. Yet Scully continued to hear the words, "Ooka Chakka, Ooka Chakka and finally caught a glimpse of a cartoon like, half naked baby.' There has to be a rational explanation to this' she thought to herself 'for why I keep seeing a dancing baby running around my apartment.' (Insanity is usually the commonest explanation - babies don't usually run or dance.) She pointed her gun at it and fired. Then she sat and puzzled over the fact that she now had a bullet hole in her bedroom wall. How rude the baby was for not being shot. She was under the impression that cartoon baby hallucinations were perfectly normal to see and that they could be danced with by highly successful, flippant lawyers or alternatively semi-paranoid FBI agents. The most distressing part of this was that the baby looked convincingly like someone she knew, with a bald head and glasses. 

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Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and dancing babies are from the planet 'I don't know where you're from, but I wouldn't go there if you paid me.' It is strange what people will do for money though. When Mulder was younger he ate a whole packet of gerbil food for a dare and hence became a gerbil for the rest of his life with an annoying habit of leaving sunflower seed shells all over the place. Scully became infuriated just thinking about it. Mulder was a threat to his superiors, an annoyance to his peers and that is why they call him Spooky, Spooky Mulder whose house was invaded by rats when he was just a kid and who now runs around with porno vids and no life, shouting to Scully or anyone who will listen that the fix is in that he's stuck in the mainstream and now he is its got to be the shit storm of all time. Just thinking about Mulder made Scully want to be sick so she ran quickly to the bathroom and decided that next time she wouldn't be sick because of him, she would be sick over him. 

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It was Mulder bashing day at the FBI. Mulder had reached the conclusion that he was going to go into work just to find fault with Skinner and all the other Agents. Now that he was there, he wished that he has stayed home. He had a lot of videos to catch up on. Life just wasn't the same with Plastic Pam on Baywatch. He didn't know how he had survived so far. Without his basement office he had to endure a lack of privacy which seemed to come combined with an assortment of general 'He needs help' stares from other Agents. It was a pity that they did not watch 'Sunset Beach' to master the art of badly acted 'faraway stares' or perturbed faces. Then again, it was recently reported that whilst filming on location in Sunset Beach, the wind did change and the cast's faces were doomed to stay like that forever. Not that anyone can tell the difference. Mulder was busy at work when Skinner approached his desk. He had no prior warning of this so he didn't have enough time to hide in the waste paper basket, unfair as it is when people approach you to attempt to talk to you without actually asking permission first. "Mulder, just exactly what are you playing at with Scully?" he asked. What he didn't let him know was that he hadn't had the guts to phone Scully the previous night. He didn't know what to say to her and was nervous that he would say the wrong thing. Mulder shook his head. He didn't know. Skinner might have just asked him, "What is the meaning of life" or "Why is a raven like a writing desk?". There was no answer, but all Mulder could think about was the injustice of it all. He had initially forgotten that he was annoyed with Skinner for having an affair with Scully, but ina flash this memory returned to him and so he stormed off in a tantrum. These tantrums were becoming fairly regular events. Mulder was a man like the rest of the children and needed to get his own way to be content. Mulder was rarely content. 

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Coming in part 4 

the grand finale and I promise it wont be stupid short sections like this. A phone call The part of the Lion and the unicorn will be revealed Mulder gets mad Mulder gets bad Mulder gets sad 

Scully gets even 

After leaving work in a paddy Mulder:- a)Has a haircut b)has a nose job c)goes to see Scully d)Has a fight with Skinner e)Murders Frohicke f)Gets abducted by aliens, but even they reject him so he has a mental breakdown. 


End file.
